Contemplation of my bobbing rod tip

The best textile judge I know always asks 'what is the purpose of this object'?  Why he should have found my tightly swaved fishing unitard so puzzling I cannot imagine. 

I just got back from Salmon Camp, a gruelling voyage in a little boat in the icy waters of California.  Shackleton himself would have balked.   Only the iron men of seafaring legend could contemplate such a trip.  Amongst the guests were a retired millionaire and his wife, so clearly we were as hardbitten a group of seamen as ever braved the icefloes and 10' swells off Santa Monica.  So sit right back and I'll tell you a tale, a tale of a fateful trip.

Our little boat set off with the tide.  Almost immediately I began testing knitwear.  Another of the guests was a scientist, but I was disappointed to learn that he knew nothing about the physics of heat sorption in wool.  The man's a fool, and actually shook his head bemusedly as I attached a laser tachometer to the mast to measure the oscillation.  I left him to his mojito and crawled out onto the bowsprit, to test my spray-repellent properties.  I assume that he knew that I was right, and didn't want to look silly in front of the bikini-ed redhead he was chatting up.  I applied my linen tester to her bikini top, and found it substandard, and in no way protective against abrasion from the spars.  But ladies of fashion care not for functionality.

The salmon were biting, and with my catch I was able to test a revolutionary new feature that I included in my Salmon Gansey - sleeves that roll up.  Modern knitters are unaware that this is possible. 

I tested the salmon in my bucket with the linen tester.  At only 7 scales/inch they were obviously substandard, so I threw them back.

Blue is warmer than white

I only pay attention to physics and nature.  Physics and nature always get it right.  Physics also tells us that blue is warmer than white.  To illustrate this universal principle, let us look at the natural world, and the colours that animals have evolved in order to stay warm in harsh environments.

1.)  The Polar Bear

The polar bear is white, clearly illustrating its tropical origins.  The white prevents the bear from overheating by reflecting the harsh rays of the equatorial sun.

2.)  The Bird of Paradise

The warm blue colouration of this bird protects it from the icy waters of it's habitat in the icy waters of the Southern Ocean

Blue is warmer!  QED.

Padded photography gansey

It has recently been brought to my attention by the local fibre experts, that a very necessary adjunct to good photography is a 'shelf' on which to rest one's camera.  I'm an old man with no bosom to speak of, so the Photography Boobs Gansey project was born.  History tells us that gansey-knit garments have been made with specific cables for specific purposes.  The codfishermen of old used herringbone travelling crossed stitches in the welting to prevent lampreys from eating their testicles, and I'll be using the same technique, as pioneered by the Vikings, to create a chest-shelf on which to rest my camera.

14th Century Woodcut Depicting Codfishing from Viking Longboat

I have acquired a loom

This is a square-rigged sail which I have woven from handspun linen from my own flock, and embroidered with a regal peacock in the style of the masters of tapestry in 15th century Flanders.

It is many a long century since we have seen textiles of this quality and fineness.  Everybody who has seen my fine handiwork exclaims in astonishment at its beauty.

The Physics of Sticks

These are some sticks I whittled in the brig.  If you drop one from the top o' the mainmast, it'll hit the deck.  This is because of physics.  Observe also the annular striations at the tips. 

They burned Galileo for blocking his singles in a steam chamber

Knitting and spinning are super deadly serious, it's a matter of life and death, wi' a curse, when ye fall overboard harpooning the deadly kraken, or find yeself adrift off Tierra del Fuego on a raft.  If ye want to know how to make socks o' iron and jockstraps o' steel, this be the place.  

We'll be having no lace or suchlike ladies folderols here, me shipmates.  As we all know, ladies of the lady persuasion are terrible bad luck on a vessel measuring 16 feet at the beam with a mast of 17 feet tall, and sails with a spin count of 98 ppm, me hearties.